Damn Guardianship
by Resha Tsubaki
Summary: There were many reasons not to fall in love with her : first, she was way (but way) older. And who would be stupid enough to fall in love with his guardian ?


**Here is a little story I wrote about a year ago. English is just a language I learnt at school, so don't be too harsh :D**

* * *

Silently, the wind was blowing down the streets. Dead leaves would sometimes fly freely before falling once more on the ground. Still, everything remained silent. A drop fell suddenly. Then, others followed. As though nature was weeping, the rain was pouring on the pavement and the roads. No one would dare to go outside, out of fear of getting wet.

Yet, there had to be someone, as unbelievable as it may seem, who would be fighting against the rain by running. The old women who where right behind the windows, observing the streets, could roll their eyes, thinking he was stupid. That was Mai thought. And, for him, she was one of these old women.

Completely wet, he slammed the door shut, not caring about what she would say. Not like he minded, anyway. He always used to slam the door when he went home, so he didn't see why it would be any different now. He needed to keep some habits, as if to prove he was still the same, that nothing had changed within himself. Because it was what he was fearing for some time now. He had a feeling that he wasn't the "old him" any more.

Immediately after his arrival, his little sister Shizuka came to him with a smile. After being separated for so long, he was delighted to be able to live with her now. And after everything they had lived through, they were finally together without fearing an attack from anywhere. From now on, they would live at peace. That was what they thought. Or almost...

"Katsuya, how many times do I have to tell you not to slam the door shut ?"

Damn, that witch definitely was everywhere. A few feet from him stood a woman a lot of men would qualify gorgeous and attractive, arms folded, glaring at him. She always had that serious stare when he did something she didn't like, meaning all the time. He sometimes wondered where the old duellist Mai was. She was so different from those times.

Jônôchi grumbled something neither of the girls could comprehend and headed straight towards the kitchen, longing for food. He hadn't eaten for hours, he was literally starving. He didn't care that dinner was almost ready, he couldn't wait, otherwise his stomach would be the death of him. Not that he wished for it. While eating some bread, he could feel a murderous glare in his back. If looks could kill, he wouldn't be in this world for a long time.

Why was she bothered that he was eating right now ? He would still have dinner with both of them, there was no need for such hostility. He definitely didn't understand women, they were too complicated. For example, he couldn't figure why his sweet, innocent little sister was dating that jerk Kaiba. No, really, they were from another world. He couldn't find another answer which would be more logical.

Ever since Mai was living with them, he always had a feeling that she didn't like him. She was scolding him most of the time. Whenever he did something, she would always roll her eyes, as though he had done something wrong that had displeased her. No matter how hard he tried, she was never satisfied. So he had decided that he wouldn't try any more, he was just tired of it.

Katsuya didn't understand at all why she was so different right now. Back when they were duelling together with Yûgi and all his friends, she was indeed strange, but not so distant and unpleasant. She seemed to get along only with his sister now. The young man didn't understand why, and, even though he would never voice it, he was sad of this situation. He wanted the old Mai back.

* * *

Shizuka had noticed that tension between them and was saddened by it. When her eyes were still bandaged, it was Mai who had helped her find her brother. Thanks to her, she'd been able to see him again. Despite her fierce temper, she liked her a lot and thought of her as a sister. Without her, they would both be in an orphanage, maybe even separated. She had given them a huge chance in life.

However, her brother had begun acting strange for some times. He was ungrateful whereas Mai was only trying to help. Katsuya had never had a proper education, so he was often rude, still it didn't explain his coldness towards her. They had seemed so close during Battlecity... Had something happened since then ? Shizuka was totally clueless and didn't like it.

Her brother was too blind, yet she could see Mai was sad of his attitude. She was definitely going to talk to him tonight, she couldn't let him treat her that way. Not after everything she had done. It wasn't fair. He was being selfish, even Seto wouldn't react like this. He may just need to be taught good manners. Shizuka didn't exactly know how their father had raised him, she didn't really have any memories of him. She had barely seen her in her life and wouldn't meet him ever again.

Glancing at Mai who left the room, the teenager walked towards her brother, her mind set up. She hated it when he acted this way, he wasn't like her caring brother who had helped her so much in the past. Something may have happened between Mai and him, however she didn't think so. Because he was way too dense to understand whatever romantic feeling he may hold for her.

Why was he eating right now when they would have dinner within the hour ? He was always hungry, still that was no reason. Shizuka wouldn't let him lack so much respect towards her, or she would never forgive him. She knew the situation was difficult right now for him, that he had lots of problems to deal with, however he wasn't the only one. She, too, was living the same life as he was now. And she, too, was sad.

"Why are you acting so selfishly and don't realize how lucky you are ?"

Hearing her voice, Jônôchi turned towards her, taken aback first. He hadn't expected such words coming from her mouth. Why would she say such a thing ? He wasn't acting selfishly, was he ? It was Mai who was hostile whenever he was around. How was it his fault ? Shizuka wasn't thinking straight. She was still saddened by that woman's death, it was no wonder she would express her sadness in some way. He couldn't blame her for that.

He had wondered ever since that day if he should be sorrowful, too. His mind, or maybe his pride, kept telling him that he had nothing to do with her given that she had abandoned him so many years ago. She had left him with his father, never bothering to call in order to know if he was fine. Just to know if he was okay. Had it been to much to ask ? Had he been such a bad son so that she hadn't wanted to see him any longer ?

Yet, despite her behaviour, his heart had ached when he had learnt about her death. He hadn't talked to her for years and he hadn't gotten to tell her goodbye. Just goodbye. It wasn't too much to ask, was it ? During all his childhood, he had kept wondering if he had done something wrong for his mother to ignore him like that. She had taken his sister away and he hadn't heard anything from them for years. Shizuka had just contacted him a year before Duellist Kingdom and had told him her eyesight was getting worse.

Jônôchi knew it wasn't his sister's fault if they hadn't spent their childhood together. He would never blame her for it. She was way too nice to do something like that. From now on, nothing prevented him from seeing her any more. Even their father wasn't in their way. Had he been still living with him, he would have run away with Shizuka. She didn't need such a father. She would only have ended hurt.

Now that he was thinking about it, Shizuka was right : he was lucky. Lucky to live with his sister with nothing between them. Well, there was _her_. But it was just a detail. Katsuya was truly thankful to her, yet he didn't like the way they lived right now. She had changed too much ever since she came back from who-knew-where. He hadn't asked her where she had been during all this time.

He really had been worried about her. After they had defeated Dartz, she had been nowhere to be seen. No one had heard from her for nearly a year. He still didn't know how she had managed to come back exactly at that time. It was as though she had been waiting for the right moment. But why ? He had been waiting for her. He had strongly missed her.

Yet, he couldn't hate her. Hell, he had never been able to blame her for anything. When she was part of the Orichalcos, he had tried to save her, knowing what was happening was beyond her control. He knew she had been suffering and he had just wished to bring her back, no matter what the consequences were. He had lost his soul, and when he had woken up, he hadn't seen her. He hadn't heard of her until that day two months ago.

Mai was special to him. His feelings had reached her when they had duelled last time and he lost, still he never heard her answer. They hadn't talked about the Orichalcos since her return. He knew she didn't want to and he wouldn't force her. He was already grateful enough for everything she had done since that woman's death. Without her, he and Shizuka would be in an orphanage right now. He didn't want his sister to live there, where he had stayed for some months after his father was arrested.

Some neighbour had finally called the police when his father was beating him, drunk. It had taken them ten years to do so. But, somehow, he was relieved his father wasn't living with him any more, because Shizuka wasn't consequently. Until he was twenty-one, he wouldn't be able to live on his own with his sister. When their mother disappeared, he hadn't known what to do. They had stayed in front of her grave for hours until her arrival.

It was weird thinking about it. Officially, Mai was his _mother_. Mother. It seemed so wrong ! He was glad to be with her, still... Well, she was only twenty-five ! She was too young to be his mother ! And she was too gorgeous too ! No, he didn't say gorgeous. He wouldn't think that way, he wouldn't harbour feelings for his mother. He was against incest. He _couldn't_ see her that way. Because of their new relationship. Moreover, she was too old for him. She was nine years older for God's sake ! What kind of teenager would go out with such an old woman ?

When she had offered to become their guardian, he had been so surprised to see her again after a year and lost about his sister's situation that he had accepted without thinking. Now, he somehow regretted it. However, if Shizuka could live like any other teenager, he could support it. He would bury his feelings and his problems. She was worth it, definitely. Thanks to Mai, they had a house, decent food and could live like family, or almost.

He had tried once to get her to talk about what she had done during that year, but had never done it again after he had seen her reaction. It was too soon to talk about it, so he would wait until she was ready. He accepted her as she was, what she had done didn't matter. He just wished she would trust him more. He knew that, in her eyes, he was still a little boy she liked to tease. She wouldn't see him the same way he looked at her.

He never expressed once his feelings for her, not wanting their life to become awkward. No one would benefit from it and he would spoil that attempt of family they were slowly building. The three of them were getting along well, so there was no real difficulty from the beginning. He was just messing everything up himself.

He didn't realize until now that he hadn't answered his sister who was already gone, leaving him with his mind and thoughts. Well, now that he was thinking about it, he may have been a little rude towards Mai. But only because she wasn't as nice as she used to be. Was it because of the Orichalcos ? Did she still blame herself for what she had done ? She should know that he would never hold it against her. He just couldn't.

All of them were trying to build a family link between them, or sort of. They had to become used to living together. Slamming the door every time he got home was surely bothering her, that was why she always yelled at him at these times. It explained her behaviour, then. Was he always bothering her, because she always seemed to be angry with him ? He could think of a way to act better from now on. If it was for her, he could find a way to get rid of all his bad habits.

But before, he needed her to tell him what she didn't like in him in order for him to get better. He wouldn't be able to find everything by himself. Or maybe Shizuka could enlighten him, given that she was also a girl, after all. They should both think the same way. Ever since they all lived together, he had gotten used to having some hygiene : a shower every day or almost, as well as brushing his teeth. It was bothersome, but no one could complain if he was clean.

Even though he had a curfew and would always come home before eight, Mai never complained when their friends came unexpectedly. Jônôchi knew she was glad to meet with them again after a whole year. They had not asked her about that year she had spent away, they left the task to him. He couldn't blame them, they were all aware that he was the most appropriate person to talk to her about it.

She had become her mother before meeting again with their friends. Katsuya could still remember their faces when he had told them the news. Yet, no one had judged their decision. It may have been because they somehow understood. Without her, Shizuka and him would be in some orphanage. It would not have been the same any more.

Sometimes, he wondered why he harboured such feelings for her. He had no reason to : she was way (but way) older and truly the most eccentric woman he had ever met. Of course, none of his friend would dare make fun of this fact. He suspected them to be glad if they happened to be together one day. Katsuya shook his head at this idea. Why was he thinking such a thing ? It was stupid.

Mai cared for him, he knew it very well. Still, he couldn't compare it to love. She may be feeling guilty about everything that had happened a year ago. Perhaps one day he would talk to her about that sensitive topic. But not now. It was not the right time.

Really, what was it with him ? Why was he having such thoughts ? Here he was, wondering about a potential relationship with his mother. His _mother_. Mother. Why couldn't he finally understand that word ? If she felt something romantic for him, she would never have suggested that idea to him, while they were standing in front of that grave.

Jônôchi sighed. He shouldn't be complaining. Thanks to Mai, Shizuka would live peacefully. As long as his sister was happy, he was too. It didn't matter if it was an unrequited love. Life could be worse : Mai could still be somewhere in the world, not contacting him even once. At least, now she was living with him. Every day, he could be relieved, knowing she was okay. What more to ask ? Well, now that he was thinking about it, he should apologize. He had been rude these past few days.

Gathering his strength, the young blond headed towards the living room where was his guardian. She was merely reading some fashion magazine on the couch, acting as if nothing happened. At that moment, he felt guilty : he had been selfish and had not noticed how much he had hurt her with his actions. She was not to blame, he was. Now was the time to learn some humility.

"Hum... Mai ?"

"Do you need something, Jônôchi ?" she answered, not looking at him.

Clenching his fists, he kept staring at her. It was now or never. If he didn't say it tonight, he would never be able to do it again.

"I'm sorry."

It was enough to catch her attention. Her eyes widened as she turned her head towards him. Her startled expression remained on her face mere seconds before a little smile made its way to her lips.

"Looks like you're not as hopeless as I thought. Whose idea was it, Shizuka's ?" she said, before getting back to reading her magazine.

The young man couldn't help feeling slightly hurt. Did she sincerely believe he couldn't apologize out of his own will ? Or she might be just testing him to check whether his feelings were genuine. Sighing lightly, he sat down on the couch in front of her.

"I have not seen my mother in years. When my parents divorced, she took Shizuka with her and never tried to contact me nor my father who was not treating me nicely. I was a little boy at that time. So I grew up believing I had been abandoned. That no one cared for me."

Why was he telling her all of this ? Anyway, it seemed to have caught her attention again.

"Not long ago, my father ended in jail. Haven't seen nor heard from him ever since. Not that I want to. Even then, my mother didn't try to take me with her. She knew exactly what I had to live through, yet she did nothing. She wouldn't listen to Shizuka who kept trying to convince her. So I lived in an orphanage for some times."

The words came out his mouth and he could do nothing to prevent it. Mai remained silent and now had her eyes on him. He could feel it even though he was too cowardly to look at her in the eye. He needed to become stronger.

"And then I heard she died. When I learnt the news, I didn't know how to react : did I have to be sad, happy, angry ? I was lost. I didn't cry nor feel anything. I just stood there, frightened about what would happen to Shizuka. I didn't want her to live in an orphanage. I wanted her to have an ordinary life with her friends. Yet, she had no family left. I couldn't take care of her and still can't, I'm way too young.

"So, when you showed up that day, all those worries went away. I totally trust you and I know you mean well. You wouldn't have offered that option if you hadn't considered everything that was possible. I was relieved, however I was not happy."

Jônôchi could feel her getting tense. She must be thinking he was angry with her for leaving. How wrong was she. He would never hold any grudge towards her. He just couldn't.

"Even if my father had never raised me well, I always had some control over my life. When I became friend with Yûgi, some events slipped from my control, but I could still have some influence over it. Yet, ever since my father's death, I have the feeling I'm becoming someone else. I don't recognize myself. I don't control anything any more. Maybe that's because it's too sudden, but I hate feeling this helpless. Right now, I am scared. I'm afraid I won't be the same any longer."

"What's wrong with changing ?"

Mai's voice was strong yet soft. She was looking at him without flinching. Her question surprised him ; he should have guessed she would meddle with his business. She was caring in her own way.

"You can't go on in your life if you're scared of changing. People change. It's ineluctable. You obviously won't be the same in ten years just like you're not the same now as you were five years ago. It's okay to fear it, mainly in your situation. However, you can't remain that way forever. What you experience right now is what will forge you for your future."

"Did you think that way when you left ?"

Maybe he shouldn't have said that. Mai stared at him, taken aback, before looking away. Katsuya knew he had to think before talking, but he always forgot. He had planned to let her talk about that story by herself. He didn't want to force her ; perhaps because he was afraid she would leave once more.

"No," she answered, her eyes saddened. "But I wish someone had told me those words back then. It would truly have helped. I had been lost. I thought I was worth nothing, that no one wanted me. That my friends would eventually leave me, like everyone else."

Jônôchi wanted to interrupt her, to say that they would never have done this, but her glare insinuated him not to say a word. She was not done yet.

"When I left, I wasn't really planing to ever come back. Domino City was so full of mistakes I made... But also of great memories with you guys. I couldn't forgive myself. Because of my selfishness, I made all of you suffer. Mostly you. I was so jealous of you. You seemed to have everything : friends, talent... Duel Monster represented everything I had. No matter how hard I tried, you always seemed so far away.

"No one had truly ever loved me. I had been betrayed so many times I feared you would do the same. That's why I had been so reluctant to become your friend, or something like that. For me, it's best to remain alone, not to trust anybody. I didn't want to be hurt again."

Jônôchi couldn't help being taken aback by her speech. She had never talked to him that way. She had always kept something deep within her, not telling him everything. Right now, she wasn't holding back. She was trusting him.

"When I joined Dartz, I was completely aware of what I was doing. At that time, beating you was the most important thing to do. But... When I won, I didn't feel that happiness I was seeking at all. It was then I understood how wrongly I had judged you. That your feelings were genuine, that you would never betray me.

"And you know the worst ? It's that you're still like this. You... You won't even be angry with me. Even when I said all those mean words to you, you were still trying to help me. You kept being that nice guy you are. When you saw me in front of the grave, your glare said it all. You are way too nice, Jônôchi. It will be your loss one day."

Then, before she realised it, he was hugging her. She was still on the couch while he was on his knees, his arms wrapped around her. When did he approach her ? She didn't notice at all. Damn, her eyes were wet now. She couldn't be crying in front of him, right ? What kind of mother would cry in front of her children ? She had to be strong. She had caused enough trouble.

Katsuya was glad. He had been waiting so long for her to reveal what was on her mind. It didn't matter if she didn't see him in a romantic way. For now, he just wished she would remain by his side. It would be enough. Or maybe he could simply wait. One day, she would love him. She may be waiting for him to be old enough. What was sure was that he didn't want to rush anything.

His eyes widened as she hugged him back. He didn't need anything else for now. He knew she felt the same way. So, time was the only solution.

* * *

At the door, Shizuka smiled. She just needed to tell him a sentence and he would do the rest. She was happy for them, they had finally faced their fears and shared them. Even if their relationship was kind of odd right now, she knew they would eventually find a way to express their feelings and live with them. They just had to be patient.

When her brother had informed her about their father, she had done everything she could to get her mother to take him back. However, she had refused each time. The young Kawai didn't like to hate, yet she felt some anger towards her mother who did nothing for her son. She had once told her he reminded her too much of her former husband. As if it constituted a reason.

She felt guilty knowing her brother had lived through so much. He hadn't deserved that childhood nor those relationships with their parents. It must have been hard, and she had never been here for him. But he had been for her. He had paid for the surgery which healed her eyes. She just hoped she would be able to pay him back one day. But, for now, she had to serve dinner.


End file.
